As I look back over my 49 years, I can see clearly many peaks, I can also see troughs but as my thinking changes these are becoming ever so hazy. But you have to all the same appreciate those troughs for what they are because the peaks are ever so more delicious because of them.
This weekend brought to an end a journey, both emotional and physical, but I suppose it really started 4 1/2 years ago. A wonderful time for me, a time of exploration, trust building, a growing and deepening self-respect, in essence an opportunity to change my default setting and of seeing, really seeing new possibilities and opportunities and grabbing them with both hands.
Redundancy a year and a half ago rocked me, but made me rethink and build new dreams and the skills I learnt 4 years ago allowed to embrace them. I’ve come to the end of the formal part of my advanced diploma study in Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy but my journey continues. I feel so alive, and fulfilled and I’ve met wonderful people and we’ve supported and grown together.
Changing my default wasn’t easy and I still go back to the anxious, negative me from time to time, but now I don’t stay there so long. In fact I hit rock bottom four months ago, but I got help from my doctor and my friends old and new, and that has made this weekend all the sweeter. If you ever get a chance to look at ‘This is Water’ by David Foster Wallace on youtube, prepare to be inspired.
I think what I’ve learnt is that crap happens, you can’t ignore it, it’s part of life, embrace it, it has a lot to teach us, but don’t wallow in it, because there is only really one way to go from there, all the way up.
This is my story, my truth, my awareness and it really works for me.
We all have dreams, but then life happens and it has an uncanny knack of getting in the way. Responsibilities, deadlines, grief, and on and on. I’ve had a dream to write for as long as I can remember, but how and where to start. I couldn’t even write an interesting letter. I would get an interesting idea and pace around the garden and the thoughts and words would flow. And in a flurry of excitement I would race in and sit down to start typing and it was all gone or worse when I started typing it sounded wooden and forced.
Inspiration is the key, when you’re fired up and the passion is running, anything is possible. But my greatest inspiration came from outside of me. A dream shared in a chat with a friend led to encouragement, then nagging (in the nicest possible way), then this is where to go to get started. I figured if I didn’t just dive in, the next step was that I’d be dragged kicking and screaming to my computer. My greatest fan, my only fan, but how wonderful to have even one.
“Writing is like prostitution, first you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.”
Woohoo, money, what a thought money for writing.
When fear grips and paralyses you it is so comforting to have the belief, confidence in and encouragement of even one person. Thanks to the greatest Superego on the planet, I couldn’t have done this without you, well I probably could of but it’s been so much more fun this way.
Someone pretty cool, once wrote:
“Oh what a terrible beauty is born.”
And I think maybe some other fellow named Yeats may have mentioned it also.
A dream begun!!!
Yep this is scary, but I never thought scary could be such a wonderful feeling. Here’s to many more frights.