“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
It’s a year now since my dear friend Liz passed away and the grief is every bit as raw today as a year ago. The year has been tough, at times unbearable, and I’ve missed her gentle strength and loving support. My 50th came and went and she should of been there. Sharing my daughters debs photos, she would of loved the dress. But most of all, all those times I saw her in shops or walking down the road, it should of been her.
What do I wish for, I wish she was still with me. I wish for piano lessons and coffees that never will be. I wish my youngest son had been born with good health. I wish that life was fair and I wish that this earth of ours was a great utopian world. I wish…I wish…
Sounds a bit like a Miss Universe speech, doesn’t it, complete with fluffy bunnies and cute puppy dogs. But who wishes for death, or babies born to a lifetime of ill-health.
But whats wrong with wishing and dreaming, with wishing and dreaming our life finds some direction, without direction we wander aimlessly through life. How do we walk that fine line, of dreaming and wishing and yet accepting what is meant for us and letting go of the rest. Do tears bring that peace, that allowance, that acceptance. I’m beginning to realize that accepting that moment, shedding tears, then moving on is the best I can do, gentle waves of grief.
And that’s how I grieve for Liz, playing the piano often gives me that space, the tears blind me to keys in front of me. I’ll know when my grieving is lessening, simply playing the piano as my tears lessen.
Should we ever let go of even the most unrealistic of dreams, wouldn’t our life become mundane then. Who knows what is around the corner, we must take every opportunity to embrace the wonderful, expected or unexpected that life gives. I simply can’t let go of my dreams and now I’m back where I started.
Till we meet again, Liz.
“The happy ending of the fairy tale, the myth, and the divine comedy of the soul, is to be read not as a contradiction, but as a transcendence of the universal tragedy of man.”
Joseph Campbell Author of The Power of Myth